G'night

I am thinking about the next man I will marry right now. What he looks like, what his values are, what he is doing right now... maybe he is ending a relationship, seeing the birth of his first child, having a beer with friends, settling down after putting our kids to bed, or sitting at home looking for a great blog to read... What will he look like? And does he know me already? Is it you? Is it you - the one that sits in my heart as though it is a lazyboy recliner, just out to the kitchen to grab a beer?

I used to watch Ally McBeal, a long eight, nine years ago and on it there was an episode where she said, "goodnight, my someone" or something like that. I say, ' good night, my someone' now. And goodnight to you, my dear babies, asleep at Daddy's house for the night.

I spent the night with mutual friends. Mutual friends of him and I as a couple and what fun they are! I spent the night worry-free, not engaging in conversation about the break-up, just making jokes and enjoying the company. I saw other friends there too - in the restaurant, running into people I haven't seen in awhile and feeling like I really belonged in Maryland. For the first time in a long time, I felt as though I belonged simply because I was with friends and saw friends too. Maybe God sent them as a gift to me. Maybe God wanted me to be engaged. Or maybe it was all a coincidence. But, I felt more solid somehow, more meaningful to just be me, and so sorry for him that I ache. I ache for him because my life is on the upswing, but his? I just don't know. I want to know, I think, but I don't know and may never know, and may always want to know!

Goodnight my someone.