Divorce. If I could define it, I would define it as a process that encompasses every emotion, requires health awareness and spiritual awakening and will only break apart a marriage, not a relationship.
As I ride each wave of emotion - the sorrow, the giddiness, the disappointment and the anger, I am keeping my eyes on the horizon. Looking up instead of down, hands clasped together in prayer instead of hanging at my sides and always smiling, despite the fear and anxiety, despite the hollowness of where he once stood, despite the remnants of his spirit and belongings in the vacancy of our home. Maybe it's hope that makes me do it, maybe I am just one of the lucky ones who can move on, maybe that's just how I feel at this moment. Tomorrow, I may be crippled on the floor of our bedroom, hugging my arms in despair. But then again, maybe not.
I'll never have all the answers I seek. I'll never be able to avoid those paths that lead me into the temptation to call him, rage against him, or beg him. But I am starting to notice the handsome men with ringless fingers and in time, the loneliness will fade to dust. In time, forgiveness for his betrayal will come and I will be better for it. Like I said, hope. The horizon. Hope on the horizon.
