Never a Dull Moment
Jeff grew up in the small town of North Collins, New York.
He was the second youngest in a family of eight. His mom, Lynda, and his dad,
John - whom everybody referred to as Fuzzy – built their home on a blank strip of
road at the top of Shirley Hill.
In a huge family, life was never boring. Jeff shared a room
with his brother Jim, just as John and Cliff, and Carrie and Corinne had to.
Their four-bed, three-bath home was teeming with love and life.
When Jeff was forced to read, The Great Gatsby his junior
year, he refused to write his essay on dreams. He simply didn’t like the book. The
only loving character was Gatsby, and Gatsby’s dreams led to his downfall. Jeff
refused to believe that would happen in real life.
Therefore, he asked Carrie to write the essay for him, even
though she was two years younger.
“Carrie, you gotta do it for me, dad will get pissed if I
fail. You don’t want to see me fail, do you?” he said.
“Well, no… but why can’t you just do it?” she asked. Carrie
was always the sweet one in the family, the goodie-two-shoes. Jeff hated taking
advantage of her kindness, but he also hated getting yelled at by his parents.
“You’re the nerd. I mean, your name’s a verb. But if you
help me out, I’ll sneak dad's wine and we can drink it with Popple this
weekend. Deal?” He knew she’d say yes.
“Fine.” Carrie agreed, sitting at the kitchen table and
getting started.
Popple was Jeff’s best friend. He was born deaf because his
mom had the measles when she was pregnant with him. Popple learned to speak and
read people’s lips, which Jeff thought of as a superpower. He was bullied
though, and Jeff hated it. He just wished Popple would always laugh because he
had the best laugh you’d ever hear. Carrie was close friends with Popple too,
but the two boys usually didn’t let her hang out when they were drinking dad’s
wine.
Fuzzy’s wine was homemade, and as potent as vodka. He grew
the grapes in their backyard, and it was so strong that one glass would make
someone quite inebriated. It was the most fun to get drunk from and the least
fun to be hungover from.
That weekend, Carrie, Popple, and Jeff had a chugging
contest. They were outside blaring Bruce Springsteen (who Jeff thought was the
perfect dreamer), and taking turns gulping down the jar. Time began to speed
up, and they got tipsy, then drunk, then drunker.
At one point, Jeff heard Popple crying. Earlier that week,
Popple was riding his bike through the town park, and two potheads smoking in a
tree dropped the joint on his head. When he looked up, he saw them laughing and
climbing down the tree, so he took off. But they caught up to him, beat him to
the ground, and stole his bike.
Jeff remembers looking up at the stars, quoting
Springsteen: “This town is full of losers, and we’re pulling outta here to win.
Those guys are the losers, Pop.” He patted his friend's back and pointed at the
sky. “The two bright ones could be Earth’s nipples.”
Carrie chuckled and Popple laughed, and Popple’s laugh was
so grand that it caused Jeff to start laughing, and then they all sat laughing
at each other until Popple was crying tears of joy instead of sadness.
The next morning, Jeff woke up in the basement with his
face covered in ruby red nail polish. Carrie was asleep next to him with her
hands painted. Popple was asleep on the stairs with the bottle.
