Abundance

Spent the past 9-10 days fighting sickness.  I couldn't get tested for Covid-19 but I suspect that is what it was - a mild case comparatively.  I didn't get the fever or the chills, just the body aches, coughing and the fatigue.  I've never been so tired in my life.  And that's good.  My body was fighting the virus while I slept.  My body is strong. I am fortunate.

I spent a lot of time on the sofa, scanning channels, scrolling Facebook, laughing a lot.  Even sick, I laughed a lot because I have siblings and cousins and friends that are so funny.  My friendships are lovely.  I am lucky.

The kids and I went for a walk today – just around the pond that sits behind my house.  The weather was nice, the mood light.  Once we finished our walk, we donned our masks and put on gloves and went to the grocery store to get more eggs, produce, chicken and birthday cake mix for Paige. (She’ll be 17 on April 8^th).  While we waited in line, I glanced up at one of the cashiers.  She was about the same age as Paige.  She was wearing a mask.  She was spraying disinfectant around the area.  Our eyes locked and she smiled. I couldn’t see her actual mouth, just her eyes.  Tears came quickly because amid all the stress and anxiety surrounding us, I saw something really beautiful in those smiling eyes.

I haven’t written on this blog all year because I was busy living.  We booked our flight to Italy, we booked our Airbnb for a weekend away, we booked a week at the writing retreat in North Carolina.  I was losing weight, working out, enjoying work and staying busy.  In my free time, I was writing the novel.  The novel that I will publish soon.

Yet, while I was sick all I wanted to do was post to this blog.  And I couldn’t think of where to start, what to say, how I’d feel if I let go of all these feelings inside.  When I saw the cashier’s smile, one word came to me:  ABUNDANCE.  And then I knew what I’d write.

As I sit at my kitchen table and scan the room, there is fruit in a bowl, a loaf of Italian bread still in its whole form, bottles of wine waiting for consumption.  The fridge is full.  The freezer is packed.  The pantry is plentiful.  The kids and I will not perish even if we were not allowed to leave until all of this is over. I am blessed.

The news is scary.  The politics horrendous. The fear and concern for our doctors and nurses, hospital administration, cleaning crews, military, friends, family, the unemployed and the world can be crippling to the psyche.

But when I put it aside for a few moments, I see goodness.  An abundance of laughter, kindness, and love.   I see smiling eyes, and my heart is full of gratitude for all this beauty.