Cock-a-doodle-do

Last Thursday morning at around 6am, I sat in the quiet house, in the darkness of pre-dawn, sipping coffee at my kitchen table. I was still very sleepy, but happy to have a few moments of quiet before beginning another long day. After a mere three minutes, I hear "Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do!" The house is otherwise quiet. I get up, tiptoe to the bottom of the stairs, thinking that maybe I was just hearing things, and again I hear "Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do!" Then I hear little feet scurrying down the hall, opening a door and saying it again. I stand at the bottom of the stairs and wait for them to walk down the hallway and greet me from the top. They are whispering, and when they get to the top of the stairs, I see messy hair, sleepy eyes, both of them holding their stuffed animals, and warm smiles on their faces.

Paige says, "Tony woke me up." But she is smiling.

I say, "I know, I heard him, I thought a rooster got caught in the attic!"

They both laugh, and make their way down the stairs. I pull each of them into one arm each and hold them to my chest.

"Good morning babies." Paige snuggles her nose into my neck and says "Good morning Mommy!" Tony pulls back from me and says, "Cock-a-doodle-do! Arf!" (Apparently, he is unable to choose between careers now.) Every time I think about him waking us up with a "Cock-a-doodle-do", I smile. He's such a funny little boy, and they both know how to make each other laugh so well.

The other story that made me smile occurred on St. Patrick's Day - they were both dressed in green, not head-to-toe leprechaun like, but green. We had been talking about St. Patrick's day for some time, and the teacher's at school made a huge deal out of it. So I asked Paige before school if she wanted corned beef or ham and potatoes to celebrate the holiday. She said, "You know mommy, I thought about it, and well, I know we should have meat and potatoes, but I really want Rigatoni." Enough said, we had rigatoni and meatballs - the best Irish meal I've ever tasted.

There are so many more cute stories I jot down so I won't forget them, but it seems like I have been allowing my "bad" weeks to interfere with this, and that is the true reason why I just want it to be over. That, and because I am just sick of hearing my whining voice go over the injustices, the facts, the "guess what happened now?", the anger... it's tiring, and boring, and it requires too much of my time. I just want to sleep off the imbalance and wake up refreshed. Hopefully, to the tune of "Cock-a-doodle-do."

To All the Women in My Life

There are some conversations that men will never, ever, ever get - not if their life depended on it, not if their fortune and fame was staked on it.

I am currently in three book clubs - one of which is on hold due to baby production. The other two are exactly the same, but with different people. We drink an inordinate amount of wine and we talk about nonsensical things that actually make sense to us. For example, we talked about the positives of having our friends and family (i.e. well, they know) drink pineapple juice; and how pineapple juice and how it is applied, can actually clear up any facial skin irritations a woman might have. We talked about, oh damn, the pineapple juice conversation just takes the cake!

Shoes... and clothes... and exfoliation... and acrylic nails... and pedicures... a woman's world, all bound up in a discussion at book club!

Women, united in a small room sharing drinks and conversation. That is the key to success in life. You can have a wonderful marriage, beautiful kids, an unbelievable job... but what good is it if you have no one to bitch about it to, or better yet, show your deepest gratitude for it.

I've had conversations with women about religion, cooking, shoes, nails, clothes, vibrators, lavender, chocolate, cheating spouses, writing, happiness, sadness and songs. And I've laughed! Oh how I've laughed! Women rock. Men, well yeah, they're pretty cool too. But women? I love all the women in my life so much - pineapple juice, exfoliation masks and all!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I received a birthday card today from both of my parents. Here it is:

Ten Things to Keep In Mind

1. Trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't... fun, tempting... maybe, but not right.

2. Remember your manners. It doesn't cost you anything, but it speaks volumes about who you are. Having class starts with this.

3. Never let possessions "own" you. It's just stuff! The most valuable things in life - friends, respect, love, knowledge - don't cost money...

4. Nurture your friendships. The investment you make in true friends will pay huge dividends all your life - remember, you can't make an old friend.

5. Keep your hands clean. This is meant both literally and figuratively... it will save you lots of regrets later...

6. Believe in yourself. You happen to be the only you in existence, and you're also the only person in the world who can truly hold you back in life... think about it.

7. Be grateful. Don't waste all your todays in anticipation of some grand tomorrow. Now is all we've got. Live in it!

8. Treat others the way you wanted be treated. Just because you're smarter or richer or prettier than someone else doesn't mean you're better. It just means you've been more blessed.

9. Always keep playing. Who says adults have to give up toys? Keep the little kid inside you alive... it keeps your imagination primed. Silly is good.

10. No matter what, you will always be loved. You don't have to test this one... Just carry it around in your back pocket, and know that, no matter what, you can always come home.

There is no wonder here. I am who I am because I have parents like I do.

What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

It is March! My birthday month, and today is the start of my birthday week! I will be changing my profile soon, rolling the 5 in 35 over to a 6. Ah... on the heavy side of my thirties. My birthday has me thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I realize that I am already a successful attorney and isn't that what we mean when we ask people what they want to be when they grow up? Over the years, I have struggled to free the essence of Carrie, and I think, when I grow up, I want to be that girl... free from insecurities, free from the cages of others words or deeds, free from the struggles of second-guessing who I am and I want to wake up each morning thankful for the love and respect I feel for myself. It doesn't seem like it would be that difficult a thing to do, yet, it might be the hardest thing in the world.

I'd also like to be a wonderful friend, an appreciative daughter, a fantastic sister, a hard-working philanthropist, a novelist, a spiritual director and the best mother to my kids that I possibly can be. And one day, I might even want to take another stab at being a loving wife.

I asked Paige what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said, "I want to be a Doctor." (Okay, that's awesome!) I said, "You have to go to school for a long time, you know that, right?" And she rolled her eyes and said, "I have."

When I asked Tony the same question, he answered without a split second's hesitation: "A dog."

Is that not the perfect answer? After I stopped giggling, I started re-thinking my aspirations.