Wedding Dress for Sale

I got the Pennysaver some time ago, and I just spent about five minutes scanning through it. I'm hoping to find someone who wants to give away about $100,000.00 to me. No such luck. But what I did see were a few ads that went like this:

"Wedding dress, size 10 (or 6 or 12), never worn."

It's such a sad little ad, isn't it? Why wasn't it ever worn? Was he a ratscum bastard, or was she? Did they come to a mutual cancellation? Did one of them get hurt?

I started thinking about what I might write about my wedding dress, and for how much I would sell it. I'd probably give it away, I'm thinking. But I would really try to make my ad interesting, or funny, at the very least. Here are a few that I came up with:

1. Wedding Dress, size 6, worn once.

2. Wedding Dress, size 6, worn once, matching shoes and curse.

3. Wedding Dress, size 6, might become a little itchy around the 7th year of marriage.

4. Wedding Dress, size 6, worn once, comes with a lot of baggage. You haul.

5. Beautiful wedding dress, spaghetti straps, full skirt, only worn once and it made for a helluva party. It sits in a box in my basement, along with a tux, also only worn once (or maybe twice):a match made in heaven. (If heaven was a dingy basement that housed shadows in every corner, with black widows waiting to pounce, a nightmarish divorce to follow where the beautiful, blushing bride is worn down to a thread), resulting in the best decision ever made in my life, and also resulting in two beautiful children and an insatiable hunger by the bride to live again, without the groom.

Or maybe I'll just go with the ultimate truth:

6. Wedding Dress, pure white, but shouldn't have been.

Let me know if you're interested. I'll give it to the first taker.