Prepared for a Catastrophe

It's not funny. The habits you pick up from your parents.

Not.

Funny.

My refrigerator has barely enough room for a grain of rice. My freezers are full with useless things I don't even need. Pizza rolls. Frozen Yams. Frozen lasagna that I can't stomach - ever. There are frozen go-gurts, turd like popsicles, mahi-mahi steaks with coconut crust (they've been in there for 8 years), tater tots, and not two, but three whole chickens... you see what I am saying.

I am prepared for a catastrophe of some sort.

And Maryland is actually getting snow right now. Enough snow to lock me in the house for three months as we eat through the supplies? Doubtful.

Okay, back to the parents. They have freezers full of food. Freezers.

Full of Food.

As far as I know, they have no boarders. It is just the two of them. Yet, the last time I went up there (about a week and a half ago), they had more leftovers in their refrigerator than Paige, Tony and I have eaten in a week. A pork roast with mashed potatoes & sauerkraut, swiss steak (carrots, onions and gravy), sauce & meatballs, leftover subs from John & Mary's, and sirloin steak. Who ate it all? Well, I did my share of taking care of the leftovers, but my mom still cooks for a family of eight - or eighteen.

I am falling into this, this, this... habit? No, it's not a habit, it's a mental disorder of some sort, I think. What possesses me to cook for fourteen people when I have two toddlers at home and they're somewhat picky - at least not so into cabbage, brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes. I am astonished with myself and I didn't even realize that I was doing this until I opened my refrigerator to get a glass of iced tea and found that I had to empty several contents of the refrigerator to get to it.

I was never like this. I hate grocery shopping, so when did I go shopping? I don't even remember! I pulled all my receipts from the past two weeks and found that I spent over $370 on food. Huh? I don't even remember shopping. It's nuts.

If I could streamline my thoughts over the past several weeks, you'd be amazed. Hell, I'll give you an example from the last five minutes:

"Wonder if Playstation is really okay to introduce to Paige & Tony?"
"Why do they fight so much?"
"Why is Paige so mean to Tony?"
"What the f--k?" (thinking about Jeff)
"I need to cancel appointment with CPA, too much snow, kids school is probably canceled."
"When am I going to make another appointment?"
"Why am I so tired?"
"Another snack???"
"What the f--k?" (Jeff again)
"Need to finish title report tomorrow morning..."
"Shoot, school's probably canceled."
"Celebrity Apprentice? Yeah, I'll just DVR it and check it out."
"Can't believe it's snowing and school is going to be canceled."
"What the f--k? What is going to happen now? Wonder what he's thinking. Damn, I just want to talk to him."
"Wonder how Mom is."
"Why is Gracie barking again - same thing for last two hours?"
"Paige still misses Sebastian that much that she cries like her arm has been torn off?"
"Kids are tired."
"They can't be hungry again!"
"What the hell am I going to make for dinner tomorrow?"

I suppose the answer to the last question is probably the easiest. Maybe I'll just pull out one of those chickens...

It sucks being an adult. It really, truly, sincerely, honestly sucks being an adult... I've melted into the food-obsessed mold of my parents. I am prepared for the blizzard of '77 here. Yet, the alcohol is low. I suppose I'll have to stock up.

Just in case.

What the f--k?