Peace

I awoke at 4:30, grateful for the seven hours of uninterrupted sleep. I looked to my right and found that Tony and Paige had both snuck into my bed again, without interrupting me. I lay there for a few moments, realizing that my body was still tired, but my mind was awake. I kissed Tony's forehead and whispered, "Love you." In his sleep, he whispered, "love you too" barely intelligible, but he said it. I smiled.

I put on my slippers and robe, grabbed a blanket off the sofa and wrapped it around me. I sat on my back deck and looked at the stars. I spoke out loud to the heavens, reaffirmed my belief in God, reaffirmed my belief in heaven, and sent much love to Jeff - visualizing his happiness up there.

Then I plopped down on the sofa with a warm cup of coffee and watched an entire movie about love. It was a cheesy romantic comedy with Sarah Jessica Parker, but it was nice to just chill.

It is still dark outside. I wonder if the sunrise will be brilliant and beautiful as it usually is when I open my heart up to see it. I wonder what events will occur today that will propel me forward. I wonder if the hesitancies in my soul will regain strength today. I wonder if this feeling of weakness in my reserves will lighten a bit. I wonder if today I will be a little less lonesome, a little less tired, a little less sad, a little less disoriented. I wonder if the events of the day will propel me forward or send me spinning for another go 'round of confusion.

Whatever unfolds, I am prepared. I carry in my heart enough ammunition to make it through. I have on the armour that will protect me. And the sunrise should give me enough patching material to fix any holes in that armour, the sunrise should provide more bullets for protection.

I wonder what today will bring to me.