One Step Up

I feel like Julia Roberts' character in Sleeping With the Enemy. If you'll recall, Julia was a victim of physical abuse - her husband beat the crap out of her for not having the bath towels perfectly positioned. (No, I wasn't getting beaten - that's not the part of the movie I can relate to). After some time, she began collecting money, and she faked her death and ran away. (Nope, can't relate to that either). She found a small town, bought a house and started to make it a home, painting, decorating, cleaning. (That's not the part). She met a boy (Oh, gag, nope not the part) and they danced to Brown Eyed Girl and fell in love, blah, blah, blah. (Can't relate). There is one tiny scene where she sees the bath towels are askew (love that word!) and she straightens them up... but in a split second, she messes them up again - a decision to rebel against the husband who had her trained to make things straight when they got crooked. (I can relate!)

I felt good today. Finally cleaned the kids play room - it looks marvelous. Then, on a cleaning binge I decided to rearrange the living room and kitchen/eating area today. I turned the sofa, moved some plants, completely turned the kitchen table so it sits lengthwise now, put out new throws, and basically did everything I have wanted to do for some time but was always met with opposition. I don't think it was a control thing, I think he just liked things the way he liked them and I didn't really care. But today, I did it my way!

You may think this isn't a big deal, moving furniture and rearranging. But for me, it is. It is finally caring about how I would like to see things. The way the furniture was arranged didn't matter to me because it mattered more to him and so I just let it be. But now, I care. It's my home and I want to walk into it, look at it and say, I did this. I chose, I moved, I will enjoy it. It was a step forward, people. A fancy jump toward the new year. [And you know what, it is the year of the Rat in Chinese Astrology. And I am a rat! I am a rat in the year of the rat. I couldn't ask for a better position in the Chinese sky].

It was a step toward my future - and it caused excitement because there are so many other things I want to do and I just have to make up my mind and do them. How exciting, and how completely pathetic that I didn't realize it sooner. It makes me wonder how many people are out there, bored, doing puzzles on the computer, reading books to escape, drinking to be social and lively, and remaining stagnant when all they want to do is take a step forward. Here is your push: choose, move and enjoy!