True Story

F--k zombies.  The Walking Dead portrays millions of them walking around.  Eating people and such.  It's all fiction.

Yet, the world is being invaded.  Fact: the world is full of d-bag a-holes. . . millions of them walking around.  Effing with serenity now.

Here's the story of one:  The car rental agent who argued with me about the car model I'd been driving around in for a week for work.

"It's a cherry red minivan."

"No, it's not.  It's a gray GMC Acadia."

She rolls her eyes.  "It's a minivan."  She looks down at her computer screen and points, "Says it right here."

"Yeah, but it's right there, and it's a gray Acadia I'm returning, and I need an exchange since it needs an oil change."  I point to it.  It's less than 10 feet away.

"But the computer says it's a minivan."  She looks back at me.

"The computer is wrong, obviously.  It's right there."

"I need to call my manager.  I can't return the Acadia when you rented a minivan, which means I can't give you an exchange."

"I didn't rent a minivan."

"It says here you did."

"But, I didn't."

She sighs heavily.  "I can't process the return. You'll have to wait until the manager comes down. I'm going to take care of the customers behind you."

"Did you call your manager?"  She hadn't picked up the telephone or used the computer.

"Yes."

"Did you do it telepathically?"

"No.  He'll be down in a minute."  She gestures to the man behind me, "Sir, I can take you next."

I stand there.  Okay, the manager will be down, all will be fine.  I can exchange the vehicle and be on my way.

She waits on a customer.  Then another.  Before she gets to the third one, I say, "Can you call your manager again?  I'd like to get the exchange car so I can get to work."

"He'll be down in a minute."  At this point, her dismissiveness gets under my skin, and I pick up the phone to call the guy that rented the car to me in the first place.

"Hey, I'm at the counter trying to exchange the Acadia and your computer says it's a minivan and the woman won't do the exchange."

He says, "No worries, I'll take care of it while we're on the phone."

Relief.

"Tell her I need the license plate of the new vehicle."

"Okay, as soon as she's finished with her customer."  I wait patiently while she argues with yet another customer about who can and cannot drive the rented vehicle with a woman who spoke broken German.

"Only your spouse can drive the vehicle."

The woman is confused.

"Can I drive it?"  She asks.

"I said your spouse can drive it."  The woman looks at me, and then back at the agent.

"Can I drive it too?"  She asks, because clearly the agent isn't making sense.

The agent actually raises her voice and speaks more slowly while leaning in, "Your spouse can drive it."

I touch the woman's arm, "I think she's trying to say that both you and your spouse may drive it."

I look at the agent, "Correct?"  The agent nods.

"Great, so you sign here on the computer and she'll give you the rental agreement and keys and you'll be on your way."  I smile, and the woman smiles back.

Once she leaves, I said, "I have the other agent who rented the vehicle to me on the line.  He just needs the tag number of the new vehicle and he can process the exchange."

"I told you that we cannot process the exchange, it's says it's a minivan."  She looks past me to the next customer.  I step directly in front of her.

"Yes, but he's resolved it on his end.  He just needs the new tag number."  She shakes her head.

"The manager will be down in a minute."

"Will he?  If he's not down here in two minutes, I'm going to lose my shit."  At this point, I've been waiting for nearly an hour.

The guy on my phone said, "Ask her if she'll please talk to me.  I will talk her through it."  So, I do, and she says no and to wait for the manager.

He says, "I'll call her.  She'll have to talk to me."

So, I'm on the line while he dials and I hear it ringing through my phone and behind me.  She ignores it.  So he calls back.  Again, ignored.  Then again and once more.  Finally! She answers.

I hear him explain exactly what she needs to do, and she says, "Hold on, I have a customer."

She puts the phone down.  She waits on another customer, and there are three more in tow.  The other agent is happily waiting on customers, they're laughing and smiling.

I want the nice agent!

I look at her and smile.  She smiles back.  I said, "Can you help me out here?"  I gesture with the phone.

"You just need to talk to this guy. . ."  She smiles, so kindly, and whispers, "I can't."  Then she turns around and walks into the next room.

Finally, I'm done.  I interrupt the original agent mid-sentence and say, "Please call your manager now. I've been here for an hour and a half.  If he's not available, I can come behind the counter and show you how to complete the transaction."

My voice is so loud that several people in line look up.  The man she is waiting on actually smiles at me and steps back, gesturing for me to go ahead.

Drama hog.

Another woman from the other rental agency comes over.

"Miss, you don't understand, we have a certain protocol."

"Oh, no you don't."  I said.  "Please listen to me for ten seconds and I will explain what happened."

So she listened, she played with the computer, up comes a new contract, I sign it and walk out.

The original agent looks at me with a blank face, no apology, nothing.

D-Bag.

A-hole.

Zombies are cooler.
.