Sometimes the World Hurts

There have been many times I've heard the phrase, "The world doesn't revolve around you!"  This might come from a parent telling the child for the 100th time, "Because I said so," as an answer to the 100th, "Why?"  In a last ditch effort, the parent might say in aggravation, "Because the world doesn't revolve around you!"

Two teens might say it to each other.  Siblings might yell it at one another.

"The world doesn't revolve around you!"

But it does.

The world revolves around you.  The world revolves around me.

And sometimes the world hurts.

If you've ever had the great fortune to hear the song Jungleland by my best friend Bruce, he is able to articulate this feeling in the lyrics and magical orchestration of the song.  The story he conveys is one of hope, despair, connectivity, excitement, anxiety, and love.  The solo by Clarence carries with it such emotion that the listener might close his eyes and feel the pang of it in his chest.

That's what I mean when I say the world hurts.  We have our own lives that convey hope, despair, connectivity, excitement, anxiety and love. It keeps us up at night and knocks us out of bed early in the morning, with stomach pains, a faster heartbeat, and some nervous pacing.

We are the center of everything spinning around us:  a stressful job, a divorce, selling a house, buying a car, a car accident, an accidental pregnancy, a pregnancy lost, a lost cat, a sick relative, a new marriage, a new car, a lotto win, laughter with friends and cousins at a restaurant that serves the best crab cakes with someone you know is the love of your life and it takes you back to when you were a child and the world that spun was one of glee, and excitement.

I call this the inner world.

Throw into that mix, everything that is not directly connected to you (the outer world) and that world offers an even greater field for hope, despair, connectivity, excitement, anxiety, and love.

I have a bad habit and it's messing my world up.

I read the news stories every day upon waking.  Every day there are stories of someone getting shot, every day there are stories of child abuse, tragic accidents and new strains of disease.

And my heart hurts because I think that there are people where the shootings, the child abuse, the disease, the accidents have become part of their inner world.  That inner world, where the intimate relationships are touched by the massive actions of the outer world.

And it happens to every one of us.

The only possible redemption from the collision of these two worlds is that when the matter settles, the affected person may have learned something from it --- maybe they learned to love harder, to live with more gratitude, to listen more closely, and be kinder.

I am writing this now, and I hear my best friend Bruce shouting lyrics in my ear:

I've done my best to live the right way
I get up every morning and go to work each day
But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold
Sometimes I feel so weak I just want to explode
Explode and tear this whole town apart
Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart
Find somebody itching for something to start

I imagine this is how people feel and how the pain from their inner world drives them to affect the outer world in some way.  The lack of control in the inner world --- the focus on the pain rather than the gratitude --- causes the turmoil, weakens the control and pushes the pain into the lives of others.

It's such a sad dynamic in this world --- especially given the polarization that has occurred in politics, religion and varying lifestyles.  

We are all one, yet we are all alone.  

I want to end today with a sense of hope.  Yet I know that tomorrow morning I will wake, I will read and I will be saddened yet again.

Maybe my best friend Bruce's solution to the pain would work if everyone in this world truly followed his solution.  Maybe the solution will come if, in our despair, we screamed these words:

Well there's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm
Gonna be a twister to blow everything down
That ain't got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted

I distinctly remember hearing these words for the first time.  By hearing, I mean allowing them to sink into my soul.  It was shortly after the decimation of my marriage and my inner world was a shitty mess.  I heard these words and they became my mantra.

I came out on the other side of them with appreciation for myself and those I loved.

Sometimes the world does indeed hurt --- most of the time --- so that's why gratitude for even the smallest things helps.  I read the news every day on a computer I purchased without thought, using the internet access I pay for monthly, reading words that are allowed by the free speech rights of the Constitution in my democratic country.  

Our politics may be shit and polarizing and in a sad state today but I'm sipping coffee and listening to head phones and trying, trying to blow away the lies that leave me lost and brokenhearted.