Six Years

It has been over six years since I've felt this inspired to write.  Six years!

Six years ago, Paige was 9 and Tony was 7.  Six years ago, I was living in the house I had shared with my ex.  Six years ago, I had two dogs, two guinea pigs and a job that I loved.

None of that is true now.  You can figure out the ages of Paige & Tony.  The two dogs are no longer my own.  One is with a friend of mine, who loves dogs and could take on the little bastard, Enzo, after he bit Tony in the face and I declared, "enough!".  My Gracie-girl passed away in January of this year.  I miss her every single day.  The guinea pigs packed their cages and now fornicate elsewhere.

And the job, eh?  It was a job.  I made a lot of friends.  I made a special friend while working there --- we'll refer to him as LOML; and now I have a new job that drives me crazy but also pays the bills and keeps my mind moving.

I moved out of the big house, and like The Jefferson's, I moved on up to a deluxe condo in the sky.  I stand on my tiny deck and I feel like I'm at the ocean, endless views and a beautiful breeze.  When I walk into the condo, I am invited by beautiful furniture and art and a feeling of home.

Everything is different, but it's also the same.

But the writing. . .  that's been gone for some time.  Well, not the writing exactly, but the inspiration for writing, the inclination to write, the energy from writing, the smile from writing. . . that's been gone. Far, far too long.

In six years, I discovered Paulo Nutini.  He is an Italian-Scottish singer with a voice that makes me close my eyes, sway my head back and forth and just listen.  I discovered Brandi Carlile.  Another amazing voice.  I discovered Sofi Tukker, and Awolnation and Cage The Elephants. In essence, I discovered music beyond Bruce!  LOML said early on, "Even Bruce listens to more than Bruce. . ."  I rolled my eyes, but then held onto the statement.  He's right.  And I've benefited from it.

In these six years, I stopped going to church. It wasn't because I stopped believing in God.  It wasn't because I was mad at God.  It was because of all the Catholic priests that were highlighted in Spotlight and Keepers on Netflix.  Then I saw the Pope on 60 minutes --- he gave a preview of his documentary --- and his indignance over the pedophilia matched mine!  His love for God, and his belief that love conquers all--- same as mine.  Pretty awesome.

Through the six years, I started some stories.  I started a couple with Paige.  She's creatively astounding.  Maybe it's her youth, maybe it's her upbringing, but I mostly think it's her essence --- her soul---her perfection.   She's fifteen with a 200 year old soul...

She started her own writing, and when I read it, I am enamored and proud.  She pushed me to write, so much so that she wrote her own stuff - - - and it's good!  It's so good that I cherish it, and I realized that by ignoring my innate desire to write, I am burdening her in a weird way.  She likes my writing, applauds my writing, wants my writing, yet I don't do it.  Not fair.

So, six years later and because my daughter is another LOML, I write.  Don't thank me.  Thank her. 

I am truly back to writing.  I have made up my mind that I will write regularly - - -barring some craziness.  I haven't and won't advertise the blog for some time, but when I do, y'all might be surprised.  If not, no biggie.  I write for myself now.  

That's a great, six year old, leap.  

I write for myself.