Accountability

As a mother, I am required to look beyond my own selfish needs and become as selfless as I possibly can. This explains why I was willing to work through my marriage problems with my ex. Simply because I know that we all make mistakes as human beings, and knowing that forgiveness and change forward does wonders. I was really looking beyond my own hurt, and into the future of my children.

I am one of the fortunate ones though. My marriage ended, the family broke apart but in all this time, through my own hurt and pain, I concentrated on the needs of my kids. How easy it would have been for me to pack up my bags and move to a different state - away from the pain, away from the routine and start something brand new. I thought about it. I asked God for guidance. I prayed for guidance. I read books about child-rearing and what was the most important thing for the kids. Stability. I read so many books, talked to so many counselors, priests and friends. In all of this, the only requirement for the healthy child-rearing was show them love and give them stability.

I scraped up money for the plane tickets and went back to Buffalo every chance I got. If they needed love, they got it in bucket-fulls. I am still scraping money and plan on spending every vacation in Buffalo so that my kids can be a huge part of my family. It would have been easier on me if I would have just sold the house in Maryland and moved back to Buffalo. I could have done that easily. In fact, I talked to my ex last week about this and he said, "Thank you for not doing that, Carrie. The kids need their dad." I answered, "Yes, but they also need my family." And he said, "Absolutely, which is why I never fight you on your trips up north." And for that, I thanked him. He's got that figured out, and knows the benefit of a loving family, despite our divorce.

Stability. So, that ruined my whole plan of packing up and leaving town. I am a mother and so, I am required to look beyond my own selfish needs. But then I thought about my kids.

My only role in this life now that I have given birth is to be the damn best mother I can be. That is my role in life. That is what God called me to do. He didn't come to me in a dream, and I didn't hear his voice... I just know on the day that my daughter's head appeared and I heard her first cry, that I had a purpose and that I was accountable for her well-being. And then Tony followed, and I was divided by two, and grew ever so strong.

As anyone who has read my blog for the past two years knows, I am a believer in God. I have so many strong beliefs about God's purpose for me, and when I can say kind words to heal someone's hurt, I try to do that. When I say mean things because of the hurt I feel inside, I always ask for forgiveness. When I think about myself for too long, I've come to this understanding with God that He can put me in my place - which usually means that I stand up too quickly while emptying the dishwasher in my rage and crack my head on the open cabinet door, or I hit my hip on a table as I walk past without thinking. I usually hear something like: "Tone it down a notch, Carrie." I doubt it's God's actual voice, I think that it is probably just my own voice reminding me of what I believe: Do unto others as you'd have done to you. This is my rule for my life! And these are the words of God - my God, my ex's God, my enemy's God, my family's God...

I am accountable to myself and my children to listen to what others have to say. I am required to open my ears and listen. I ask all of you to do the same.

Thanks to a fellow blog writer for posting the following. It came at the perfect time:


Wednesday, October 03, 2007
When did God become an Excuse?

So, When did God become an excuse for doing what you want? Anyone who's worked in ministry or pays attention to news about people and religion know what I mean by this statement. It seems a lot in the past few years that people in religious leadership like to use God as an excuse to do whatever they want. They say things like "We're going to do this b/c we prayed about it," or something like " This s what God wants." These statements have been used to rationalize some of the most horrible things in history. I saw a news article recently talking about a so called "pastor" who thought it was ok for a father to marry his adolescent daughter because it was part of their religion. Holy Crap, what's up with that? How can God be used to say this is ok? Because God's become the excuse. Recently I was fired from a Job where I was excelling at that job. I was fired b/c they "prayed" about it first.

How can we stop this flagrant misuse of a Holy God? It's called accountability. This kind of thing occurs in places where we give one person way to much authority. When did God ever put a single person up on a pedestal? He didn't! The only person He ever gave major authority was Himself in human form, known as Jesus Christ. If the leadership was accountable to people who walk with God daily, then less little problems like this will arise. Where people stop, think, and talk, ideas outside that of God's word start to become evident.

PLEASE for the love of God, stop using God as an excuse. Why do we feel the need to say that God has said something that you know He didn't? I think it's because no one can argue. The people that say these things know that God isn't going to just come down and confront you in public over the stupid thing you just said that He said. It's only an amount of time before you'll have to answer for what you've said. In this life or the next you'll answer for it.

Start actually praying, looking for God's leading, and do that. Regardless of what God's leading is, do that! You've got to be ready to do thing you don't want to if you're going to do God's will. It's not always the easy thing, but it's always the right thing. The right thing also isn't always what we want. Remember that the next time you're going to want to do something just because it's convenient or want to get rid of someone because you're jealous. Remember that it may not be what God wants just because you want it.

What God wants is perfect. Why do we think that just because we want it that God will in turn want it as well? How selfish our sin must be.

Now we must wait for change...God Rocks!! Jtw