Dear T.F.

Lovely child, my daughter. She recently lost a tooth at school, and was so excited as she got off the bus. "Look Mommy!" Her mouth was wide open, the tooth was in a little box and she wondered aloud how much the tooth fairy would bring her this time. The first tooth she lost was on the day of the Breast Cancer walk - it was amidst my entire family. When she showed the gaping hole in her mouth, my brother Jeff reached into his pocket, handed her a five and said, "Tell all the other cheap bastards you want some money for losing that tooth, and tell the tooth fairy to beat that." He smiled and winked at me. She ended up making $20 that day, and expects it every time.

This last time, we talked a lot about the tooth fairy - how amazing it is that she can make it to every house and that she's got so much money to pass out to all the toothless children. Come to think of it, she is pretty amazing! Anyway, she got three ones, a nickel, a penny, a quarter and a dime in a pretty little box.

Yesterday, as soon as she got off the bus, she sat at the kitchen table and started writing.

"What are you writing?"

"A letter to the tooth fairy for all the hard work she does."

I was in complete shock as she wrote, reading it out loud and sounding out the letters. She did pretty well too, only asking me how to spell 'fairy'. She left the note under her pillow and as she was saying her prayers, she mentioned her need to hear back from the tooth fairy.

And the tooth fairy wrote back! She was so excited, she began another letter, this time asking questions. Her last questions were: "Why do you collect teeth anyway, and how do you get all the money to give to kids?"

I'm wondering what the tooth fairy's answer will be. I am thinking that maybe the tooth fairy can answer something like this:

"Because I'm old and decrepit, I've lost all my teeth. And the money comes from your mother's purse because I know how to sneak in and out of the house without waking the dog. I also take old people's teeth from them. Gingivitis, my ass! And when the time comes, I'll take your permanent teeth too. Love, T.F."

Or, maybe she'll tell Paige that she's kind and thoughtful and find out how everything is going at school and at home.

This should be interesting.