Who gives a...?

I am sitting in front of the same computer I sat in front of eight days ago; I am employed with the same company; I stare at the same clocks; drive the same truck; and alas, I am still single. But nothing is the same. Nothing. What happened last week was life-changing and it still shaking things up, moving things around, rearranging thoughts and feelings and desires... the aftermath of tragedy, I suppose. I shall never go back to the same person I was before this all happened.

My faith is stronger. I have deepened my roots, strengthened my trunk and grown more branches. My faith shall not be moved.

I spent the day in a meeting - real estate training 101. It was incredibly boring - like taking a kindergarten class for me because it is what I have been doing since graduating law school. As I sat there and listened to the instructor drone on and on about her accomplishments, her success stories, and all the little dramas that occur way up in headquarters and way down with the farmer landlords, I kept thinking: "Who gives a sh-t?" Just do your job, punch out and forget about it. Why bring it home? Why relive it in an 8 hour training class where the only reason you are there is because those feigning interest are required to be there.

I heard someone complaining about a scratch on their new car. "Who gives a sh-t?"

I heard another one complaining about the quarter inch of snow and the traffic. "Who gives a sh-t?"

And another complained about his wife spending money on a new purse. "Who gives a sh-t?"

I don't. I don't care anymore. And I doubt that I'll ever go back to thinking that way again. I truly doubt it.

I had a dream last night that turned me upside down, took me back about 17 years and I found it to be one of those moments that could have changed the course of my life, and despite my two beautiful and brilliant children might have been a better choice for me.

Yet I have this... all this. A brother who is healing, slowly healing and a life that includes two incredible children and a wonderful base of family and friends. And for these things, I give a sh-t.