Bad for Good

For every person, it is different. "It" being that moment of clarity where one discovers that they are simply hanging on by a thread, where they discover that the mud that used to be ankle deep is now getting into the nostrils, and it is time to get some help. So they begin to rely more on friends who offer help, they begin to read self-help books, they join a gym, they go back to church, they see a shrink, or they simply make the decision to let the little things go.

Unfortunately, some people never realize they are in trouble. They exist on pure arrogance, lack of faith and the super-human ability of blaming others. I worry about those people the most and send well-wishes to them often. Yes, and sometimes I grow frustrated by them and wish them ill-will too. Yet, in the grand scheme of things, ill-will and bad luck might actually save them. I think this is how it works.

My book club is reading "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." I began reading it some months ago and just couldn't get into it. It was written by Rabbi Kushner, had many verses from the bible and tried to explain away the downs in this up and down life as mere "things" that just happen because life is chaotic. It goes on to say that what you do with the chaos is how you grow. Okay, I can buy that last part, I suppose.

I have an amazing friend. We talk deep every single time we are together. She loves the book I just described - it got her through a time when her brother was in a life-threatening accident. She consistently describes the emergency room where a woman who lost family members said, "This is what God has chosen to happen, and I have to accept it and get through it because it is what He wants us to do." Her biggest beef (and it makes sense) is that God wouldn't do something like this. He doesn't allow bad things to happen like that because He is a good God. Certainly a great argument. We talked about pre-destination and how God has a plan for all of us, He knows exactly what decisions we'll make, etc., etc. This is the part she has a tough time with. She'll say, "God did this? God knew your ex was going to leave you with two kids? God knew your brother was going to have a stroke at the age of 38?" (She hasn't said that last line yet, but I know her). And when she asks these questions, I am stumped. Because, well, God wouldn't do this, would he?

I have been thinking subconsciously about this question for quite some time because I simply cannot accept the arguments in When Bad Things Happen... . At some point, I'll find the answer to these questions. I cannot wrap my mind around it at this precise moment and feel like I've just wasted 15 minutes trying to get there. I suppose I should probably think "book" instead of "blog post" to answer the questions Rabbi Kushner has put before me.

All I know is that Tony woke up giggling this morning. As he came out of his dreams, he was full-on belly laughing. It was delightful, and although he woke us nearly two hours earlier than we normally get up, the laughter was worth it.

I have him and Paige on my back and we are swinging by the strongest, thickest rope ever. Yet, a few months ago I wouldn't have been able to hold them... I was hanging on by a thread, a cob-web thin, blowing-in-the-wind, thread. A bad thing happened and it changed my life for good. Bad for good. I think that's the premise of my argument.

I'll keep thinking as Tony stands beside me... still laughing.