Smoke and Mirrors

The smoke is to cover it up, the mirrors are to enhance it.  Smoke and mirrors. 

The laughter?  A mirror works. 
The effed-upness? Smoke works.

Smoke and mirrors.

In the past three years, I've seen more smoke than a fire chief in NYC and I've seen more mirrors than a gym trainer in Hollywood.

Smoke and mirrors.  We see what want to see and we fail to see what we don't want to see.  And people know how to make it work for them.

In relationships?  Uh, yep.
At work?  Uh-huh (nodding a vehement head).
To ourselves?  Oh, hell, hell, hee-haw, hell yes!

Smoke and mirrors, gosh, golly gee, gosh, just be real!

Be real.

Okay, I am facing the first Thanksgiving without my father.  So are my brothers and in-laws, so is my sister, so is my mom. 

Reality.

Hurts.

Reality hurts.  Yet, I think about my aunts and uncles, facing their first Thanksgiving without a sibling.  Remember? Last year?  Jeff was gone?  Well, it's easy for me to sympathize, though it's not... I didn't have 72 years with my brother (I only had 36 years with him)... but, but, damn!  My poor Aunts.  My poor Uncle.

And Gosh-Golly-Gee (I'm so trying not to cuss!), it *&^%$#W%^* S&CKS!  Really, ^$#^&* S&CKS!

We all play the smoke and mirrors game.  Some (mostly on a first few dates with me), even truly believe they are acting real in a real world under a real sky in a reality....  (Yep, that's MY reality).  Others tend to work through life, pushing forward and believing in something better.

There is something better.  There has got to be something better.

All you people in love?  Back me up on this!
All you people soaring financially?  Back me up on this!

I don't know.  I don't get it.  I cannot fathom the meaning yet.  Yet, I know there is a meaning.  I know there is something better.  Something worthwhile.  Something that doesn't require a pill, or alcohol, or cigarettes, or indiscretion, or lack of character...

There is something worthwhile!  Something waiting!

Maybe I should have titled this blogpost "Faith" because it seems that is what I am writing about.

I'd like to go off... unedited for a few minutes...

....thinking.... thinking... processing... processing...

I feel like Jerry McGuire, when he finally gets it (though, of course, the commercialized meaning of the movie was about love)...

I see people, every day, miserable.  None of them like their jobs.  None of them want their jobs.  None of them can fathom being without their jobs.  Yet, yet, there is this comraderie because they all know how the other person feels!  They know this.
 
And they show up because they believe.  They believe in their co-workers and that things will get better.  Sure, some need a kick in the 'confidence' ass, but most of them are just there to earn a paycheck and go home (that's me!) yet they let the pain get to them, they let the anxieties of their leaders get to them, but listen.  Listen!  Your leaders are just as F-ed up as you are!  If not worse!

Life is a *&^( game!  It is a puzzle.  The way to win it?  The way to win it?

LOVE.

Love, baby.  Love.  That's it.  That's your clue.  That's your answer.  That's your win.

Love.

It is so difficult to see in all the illusions of smoke and mirrors, but it is love.

It took me a long while to get to this, and this is the unedited version of my blog, but hey, new friends-at-work-as-dorky-as-i-may-seem-and-knowing-that-you'll-love-me-still, listen.

Smoke and mirrors.

Beyond that.

Love.