The Success of Failure

Day three of the new job begins today.  I have sat at my new desk for two days now, looking over materials that I'll need to get the job done, gaining the big picture, twiddling my thumbs, waiting...  when it hits, it's going to hit, but yet again, I am impatient for it to hit now.  Is that crazy?  In six months I will be cursing the job, the new boss, the people I work with, the duties I have to perform and the time that is being sucked from my life by the duties of the job.  That's how it goes when you work at a job that is a mere means to money.  Yet work is what I must do and I'll be good at it.  I'll also be really grateful of it because it is a means to my dreams...

Something has shifted in the past few months.  I was always waiting, waiting, waiting to get a sign or have someone give me advice about what I should do with my life.  It's strange but I bought the new car without thinking, I just knew it was the right thing to do;  I took this new job without thinking, I just knew it was the right thing to do; and now, the decision to go back to school for my master's has been made and I know it is the right thing to do.  I look back on all the wasted months I spent struggling with making a decision when the power was in my hands the whole time.  Fear of success, fear of failure... they were always in the running for my attention.  Now?  Whatever.  People succeed, people fail, they fall, they get back up, the fall again, they get back up...

It's just a different perspective, I suppose.  A different, empowering, perspective.  I no longer need a "sign" from someone or something, I just need to move my body and heart toward my goals - goals that have always been there but I failed to see them.  Somebody pulled those blinders from my eyes in the past few months.

The failure, if it happens, will be mine to fix.
The success, if it happens, will be mine to share.

I like to fix.  I like to share. So, let's get on with it already. 

Have a good day.  I know I'm going to try.