Fastening My Belt

Abdication.
Abdication?
Ab-dic-a-tion??

I awoke with this word rolling through my brain and for the life of me, I couldn't remember what it meant.

It means: to relinquish or give up power formally.  Such as a king abdicating from the throne; or a person of power resigning from the position.

Okay, great.  Now I remember what it means.  Why the hell was I dreaming about it?

Then a song by Sting sang in my head.  It is a song that I might have listened to, maybe, a dozen times over my lifetime.  The only line I know is:  "Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you, he'll guide you well."

I suppose the two are connected.  Of course they are connected.  Why else would my little brain be reciting the word abdicate with Sting singing in the background?

Then there is the separation of where your soul wants to fly you and where your responsibilities take you.  For example, my soul is telling me to hop in the truck and pick up the kids in my pajamas because I am desperate to see them;  yet, responsibility necessitates that I a) put on regular clothes; b) wait for a reasonable hour because 6am is not acceptable; and c) ugh, grocery shop first.

On a bigger level, I am sitting in a house that used to belong to a marriage.  I made it my own - adding a pool, a puppy, flowers in the front garden and a boatload more love within.  Yet, today, it feels like a heavy burden.  I suppose it probably has to do with having been piloted to the top of a mountain for over a week and then landing in the same destination as always.

The difference however, between being here now and being here then is that there has been a shift in my little brain - an urging to continue writing and to watch my step, lest I fall into that same old rhythm of the past year.  It's like eating pizza every day and then finally tasting its zest.  It's difficult to go back to just eating it.

Make sense?

So this is my formal resignation from eating bland pizza; from being in this house and forgetting to taste its flavors.  I am abdicating from autopilot, and will navigate my flight via the directions from my soul.

It should be a fun ride.