With These Hands

I have spent many days slumbering - moving through the motions of smiling at the kids, preparing the house, dinner, the family for just the passing of the day. I have spent many days unaccountable for the happiness of my children because I was unaccountable for the happiness of myself. But I realize that right now, their happiness is my responsibility and if I'm unhappy, they will be too.

I can mold with these hands, smooth down the rough spots, rearrange the flexible pieces, or simply throw it in a kiln and accept the end result. The choice to determine its' shape, texture, size and weight is mine and what control to have over my children! What a sad state to be doing it all alone - my responsibility, sitting heavy on my shoulders like a sopping wet coat. My children. My happiness. Their happiness.

I will shrug this weight off, let the heaviness sit in a puddle at my feet, step over it and continuing working these hands. And in time, I'll take their little hands in mine and guide them to smooth the rough spots, rearrange the flexible pieces and most importantly, accept everything for what it is; teaching them that it's okay not to be able to fix everything, but it is necessary to be accountable for yourself and your self-awareness. But before I can do that, I need to stop slumbering and begin guiding my own hands.