Divorce. If I could define it, I would define it as a process that encompasses every emotion, requires health awareness and spiritual awakening and will only break apart a marriage, not a relationship.
As I ride each wave of emotion - the sorrow, the giddiness, the disappointment and the anger, I am keeping my eyes on the horizon. Looking up instead of down, hands clasped together in prayer instead of hanging at my sides and always smiling, despite the fear and anxiety, despite the hollowness of where he once stood, despite the remnants of his spirit and belongings in the vacancy of our home. Maybe it's hope that makes me do it, maybe I am just one of the lucky ones who can move on, maybe that's just how I feel at this moment. Tomorrow, I may be crippled on the floor of our bedroom, hugging my arms in despair. But then again, maybe not.
I'll never have all the answers I seek. I'll never be able to avoid those paths that lead me into the temptation to call him, rage against him, or beg him. But I am starting to notice the handsome men with ringless fingers and in time, the loneliness will fade to dust. In time, forgiveness for his betrayal will come and I will be better for it. Like I said, hope. The horizon. Hope on the horizon.
4 comments:
how insightful and oddly uplifting. I liked your thoughts about the marriage breaking apart not the relationship. That is a good thing to realize so early on.
umm, your writing is.... how do I say this... FREAKIN AMAZIN! What a beautiful style and flow. I had no idea. I'm so impressed!
K
Amazing Carrie, Really! You give me inspiration to seek out my dreams.
In such a difficult time, you find Beautiful Words. It shows your Beautiful Heart. Thanks for sharing yourself. It was wonderful meeting you last night. I do believe that people come into your life for a reason. Smile. Tarah
Wow, Carrie this seems to be a great wait to deal. My grandmother always told me to write things down when something was bothering me. The message did not have to make it to anyone, but writing it down is enough. The release of all the bottled up feelings is priceless. I am truly sorry you are going through this, but I know you will have a great life without him. You are truly a wonderful person, and never forget that even on your worst days. For every 1 bad thing "he who must not be named" has to say you have hundreds of positive things said about you as well. (Did you get teh Harry Potter reference??)
Candy
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