Counting

What is the point of having this blog if I am afraid to acknowledge the negative emotions? I sat here for the past thirty minutes thinking that I simply couldn't write today because I am so unbelievably disheartened and this blog is about hope! How can I write about hope when I can barely keep my eyes dry? And why today? Why the sadness today? I'm not even PMS-ing!

Divorce sucks. I don't believe in it. I never have. Is this an admission of my heart's longing? Absolutely not. I have accepted this divorce and if I'm honest, I am better off and actually looking forward to signing on the dotted line because the true colors I am seeing, aren't making a rainbow, if you know what I mean. They are colors that I never expected to see.

I am writing today because I need to write today. I need to list those blessings I have in my life because damn if I am going to spend the next six hours before bed wallowing. No way.

I am blessed:

1) My kids are healthy and happy and Paige's teacher told me today that she has never seen closer siblings than Paige and Tony. I am doing my job!
2) I have a good job and I'm good at it.
3) Friends! Oh my, do I have friends, and they are good at it.
4) My parents are, without a doubt, the best parents around. My sister and brothers are my best friends, and my parents made it that way by being honest and humbling and loving each other through thick and the thinnest of thin.
5) My dogs stink, but they love their mommy.
6) I believe in God. I believe in miracles. I believe in angels. I believe that my faith is the strongest it has ever been and I know it is building more strength every day.

Does anything else really matter?

No more wallowing. I feel better. I do. However, I think a nice, strong, stiff shot of Bruce will pull me entirely out of this funk. Or maybe I'll just give the dogs a bath.