What's Up?

Well, the rhythm has certainly picked up at work, and the drum sticks are flying to and fro, knocking me upside the head most of the time.  I heard the cymbals crash when I got home from work last night, and got the kids settled with a snack and homework at the kitchen table while I stood with the refrigerator/freezer opened and wondered what the hell I was going to make for dinner.  (My kids aren't fish stick and mac-n-cheese kind of kids, so I need to put some effort into whatever I make).  What to make?  What to make?  Beyond the turkey and stuffing and brussel sprouts there was a beacon shining... leftover sauce with meatballs and pork (which we had for dinner on Sunday).  Perfect. 
"Want pasta tonight?" 
"Yeah!  Yay!"

Lovely.  That's easy.  The night before we had baked Tilapia (which the kids tear up!), and the night before that, who the hell knows? 

Life is busy.  At work, I'm busy with work.  At home, I'm busy with home.  Yes, playing checkers and Candyland and Go Fish and Twister is part of the home assignment and believe me, I could be folding laundry, windexing windows or emptying the dishwasher but none of that seems so important when I have the kids around.  Playing games and bonding; that's the ticket.

I go to bed when the kids go to bed.  I wake up a couple hours earlier than them - that's my free time, taken over by work now, not writing, not contemplating, not dreaming.  Work, so I can pay the bills, make a decent dinner and bond before bed.

I keep forgetting to pray.  I keep forgetting to be thankful.  I keep forgetting that something's gotta give here - another drama? Maybe a joy of some sort?  Something beyond this.

I keep forgetting because I don't necessarily believe in these things right now.  I sit with my anger and distaste toward my life (beyond the kids) and frown.

It'll pass.  Just another damn stage.

But hey, at least I wrote today.  So maybe I'll remember to look up too and at the very least, give a nod to the heavens.