Is Ego Driving Your Bus?

An understanding of pride and ego has been a copious notion over the past few months. I have sought wisdom on the subject and as a result I was given a lesson in humility. Yet, I am writing a blog that basically spells out my life and gives one a much deeper understanding of my psyche. Is it ego that is driving my bus with regard to this blog? Perhaps, it is. I cannot apologize for this because it is the best thing I have done in my life. And honestly, it's not the debilitating pride that is pushing me to write - it's self-pride, and the wisdom of knowing that I am who I am, perfectly imperfect, a product of God's hands, I suppose.

I am willing to bet that the demise of most marriages, the hatred of most jobs, the insecurities of our bodies, the disassociation of our dreams and real lives, and the little voice that we hear on a daily basis that feeds us information that is so not who we are or want to be, are sitting uncomfortably on a bus, struggling for more (or less) room, staring at the back of a bald-headed bus driver and this bus driver is ego.

How many women have had a night out to look forward to and spent hours changing outfits five, six, seven times because the extra ten, fifteen, twenty pounds they've put on in the past few years makes them think they aren't all that? After the seventh outfit, they stand in their bra and underwear staring at the pants thrown across the bed, the dresses hanging on the door knobs, the shoes, shirts, sweaters in various piles around their room, and then opt for the first outfit they picked out an hour earlier. Unfortunately, the pulling, pushing, removing, buttoning, and zipping has messed up their hair and make-up and made them a half hour late, and when they finally arrive at their destination, they have to take a shot of tequila right off the bat because getting dressed for that rare occasion out has stressed them out! Ego has driven them around the block and back, and done donuts over their self-esteem, and for what? Dammit women, love yourselves, and forget about what you're wearing. Beauty comes from within. Say it with me! Beauty comes from within!

Every one knows what it is like to start a new job. The first week is exhausting, isn't it? There are so many variables to learn, and so many personalities to understand. Ego drives the bus like a drunken idiot. The new employee wants so much to impress, and to know everything, and when it doesn't come instantly, ego drives over his head, backs up and does it again. Relax... it's just a job. It's just a job. Putting the career in its proper place on that long list of priorities is the only way to get the bus driver to stop driving like a drunken idiot, so that you can actually enjoy your job.

Ego drives the lousiest when marriage is involved because although there are only two passengers, the bus is filled to the rooftop emergency exit with the past, present, and future of both of them. And their personalities are usually so entwined (did I say entwined? I meant knotted) that the ball of string tethering them together has no beginning and no end. Somewhere inside that ball is humility and compassion, and the marriages that are successful (did I say successful? I meant work), are those that leave that thread hanging loose. They don't allow the bus driver the opportunity to stop in the middle of their destination, put the bus in park, and climb into the backseat to start tying nautical knots on the those thick and thin pieces, those sick and healthy pieces, those better and worse strings until the knots get so big that the bus tips over and the passengers fall across the pavement with skin boo-boos and broken hearts, and broken spirits, and desperate notions, creating a heavier past, an illusioned present and a burdensome future. Always keep a thread hanging loose, hold onto it (and your lover's hand) and look through the bus window with your eyes on the horizon. It probably helps to keep the alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling and fears away from the driver because a lousy driver makes for a lousy marriage. And the bigger the driver, the tighter the knot, the greater the heartbreak.

That's just my opinion on ego and pride, but what do I know? I'm just trying to pass the time on this bus.