Containment

I've spent the last few weeks acclimating myself to a new job:  new company, new role, new responsibilities. The industry that I am in is very tight-knit.  I am introduced on a daily basis to someone that I worked with ten years ago on a different project.  It's one of the reasons I like the job and the industry, it's also another reason why burning bridges with people is utterly stupid.

Fortunately, I don't think I've burned any bridges, and more fortunately, I don't hold grudges.  Ever.  I figure people are changing on a daily basis - maybe they got smacked with an unexpected divorce, or death, or financial crisis, and so, they've evolved beyond pettiness, if they're lucky.

I like the job.  The pressure is high, but all in all, I look forward to going into work every day.  I spent the weekend working.  I had the kids here, we spent a lot of time together, but I also worked.  I don't know if they liked it, but I had things that needed to be done before today, and so they saw my work sprawled out on the kitchen table, heard me talking on the phone, and watched as I shot emails through the air.  They didn't complain, and I think it's because I didn't complain.

Which leads me to the title of this blog.  I've come to have a daily prayer (among many) that I throw up to the heavens throughout the day.  I simply say, "Containment".

I watched a dude give the finger to another dude on the highway. I prayed, "containment."  I don't know the circumstances surrounding the reason for the gesture, but I prayed that the receiver would just contain it - - not get mad and worry about it, take it home with him and even unknowingly, use it to spur something else with his wife, or neighbor.

I was also getting a hair cut the other day, and the woman before me told the girl cutting my hair that she was lousy at blow-drying and should take extra classes if she wanted to succeed.  When I got to the girl, she was upset and indignant about it.  After all, she was insulted.  I said, "Don't sweat it.  It's her problem, not yours.  I think you do a great job cutting and blow-drying.  Let it go."  She said, "Yeah, I know," but I could see that it was bothering her.  Contain it.  It's done. Over.  Somebody said or did something negative against you. . .  it's their problem, not yours.  Contain it.

I use the term because I constantly see in pictures.  I see the pebble going into the puddle, and the rings it produces.  Some pebbles, thrown in years ago, are still reaching and reaching.  Stop it on impact, if you have the ability, and it is contained.

No grudges.
No insecurities.
No despair.
No worries.

That's not to say that boulders haven't been thrown in, and sometimes all you can do is ride the waves that are produced.  But when you have it in your ability to stop one insult or insensitive comment from affecting how you treat others, then use that ability.

It has helped me with work.  As I said, everyone knows everyone.  I am in the midst of hiring a big team to run a huge project.  Every single time, throughout an interview, an opinion about someone else in the industry has come up.  I stop my interviewee (who doesn't even realize they've said something negative about another person, or are still reacting to what another has said about them), and I say, "Let it go now.  If you can't let it go, and if it is brought into this project, we're ruined.  I am asking you right now, can you work with this person on a daily basis?  If not, I don't want you on the team. If you say yes, and there is drama, then you won't be on the project very long." 

I see their faces change.  It takes a few seconds, but they get what I am saying.  Whether there was competition in a former life does not matter because it's a new life now, with high pressure, many deadlines and high expectations.

I am interviewing people that are incredibly talented and know their jobs, yet they get sucked in by the personality quirks of others, and the back-talking begins  - - the best case scenario is that they are miserable at their jobs; the worst case scenario is that we're all unemployed and unhappy.  Whether their skills are the best or not, if they can't contain their old issues, then the task is even more difficult. 
Contain it or let it go.

I saw a shooting star this morning at 5am as I started my day with a hot cup of coffee.  I smiled, said good morning to the world, and whispered, "I love you",  hoping that it reached every one I know.

Some things just shouldn't be contained.