I left early this morning for a trip to Virginia which takes about 3 hours. The sun hadn't quite risen, and the air was brisk. I listened to a playlist I hadn't heard in quite some time. It included songs from many years ago, including the Working on a Dream LP that Springsteen released on the day my brother, Jeff, had a hemorrhagic stroke. 98% of the time I skip ahead. There are too many memories associated with the songs on that album - starting from the first night he was admitted to the ICU and ending on the day of his funeral.
But today, I let it play, and tried to control the emotions and just think about that time in my family's life, and in my own, and how it has changed since - how nearly all the children are adults now (in age, not necessarily maturity), and how the memories play differently than during that painful time.
I didn't crack until Bruce sang this line: "Then a million sighs cresting where you stood, a beauty in the neighborhood, this lonely planet never looked so good."
Gets me every time.
It's been nearly fourteen years. The pain is different now - the sadness has been replaced by a bittersweet longing for what used to be. The kids were young, we got together and played games, we laughed, we drank, we shared our day-to-day and our frustrations. And maybe we would have done things differently had we known it would change so quickly. But I'm glad we did it the way we did.
The hospitalization of Damar Hamlin brought back a lot of memories of that time too. Intubated and struggling to breathe on his own. I remember the prayers and love that poured in. It was a miraculous time in a strange way, filled with so much love; and I sense the same for Damar and his family - his kin and the Bills.
It's quite beautiful.
The drive took me there but I didn't break. I just grieved for a little while and then with that shadow behind me, I moved forward into right now.
Pray for number 3.
Go Bills!
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