Truth

A great friend of mine told me that I must go through the grieving processes of this divorce; that I must dive into the grief and find comfort in what it reveals to me. He also told me that I must do this in faith, and that I must struggle for the truth of things because it leads to something greater than "just existing." Sound advice, since perhaps for the first time in this process, I am feeling fantastic about facing the truth.

I was down and out for a few days with the flu, and being sick does things to the psyche. It's hard not to fall into self-pity, it's difficult to see the positive when you're feeling lousy, and it's very difficult to take care of two equally sick children and not lose your wits. I did it. I felt myself falling into despair, struggling with the notions that 2008 was going to be different. How could I not become saddened? My first five days of the new year were spent cleaning and wiping up diarrhea and vomit or hugging the toilet to relieve myself of the pain in my stomach. But another good friend of mine said that maybe I am purging the bad things right off the bat in this new year. I must say if this is the worst of my new year, I'll take it.

Back to my point. Truth. I looked at my relationship (purely the relationship, not the marriage, not the kids, dogs or house) and the truth was revealed to me. It was not a good thing for me. He's a nice guy, had high hopes but we didn't expand each other in positive ways - we were not a good match. I still think we could've made it work - I may always think that because I am from the school of thought that you can achieve anything if you work at it - but would it have reached the level of happiness we both deserve? I don't know. We were on top of some peaks at certain points in the marriage, but we often spent time at different altitudes, looking down or up at each other, but never straight on. That was revealed to me subconsciously as my body struggled to bring itself back to health, and I woke up this morning and the sky was just gorgeous... the air cleaner... the attitudes of myself and my children so grateful in our good health. The truth revealed freedom. And that great friend of mine revealed the truth just by being there for me. God exists in everything we do - even in our sickness, even in our most desperate moments and he reveals the truth to us everywhere. I feel better - inside and out.