Why Haven't I Written?

For the past two months, I've gotten emails or texts, or a phone call that asks me why I haven't written - - - from various people that span across seasons of my life.  All great.

And I've asked myself the same question nearly every day for a month.  Why haven't I written?

Too much time spending the millions of dollars I have beneath my mattress?
Too many days of vacationing in the sun?
Kids?
Work?
Dogs?
Boredom?
Self-abuse?

I don't entirely know why I haven't written.  Sometimes I think it's because I am afraid of what I will learn about myself if I do write. A lot of times I think it's because I am tired of digging deep and I just want to skate for awhile, along the avenues of mediocrity and ease.

Quite honestly, I am just tired.  Work, kids, dogs, boredom, self-abuse. . . they all take their turns at emptying the tank.  I think I might just need a few too many days of vacationing with the millions of dollars I have stashed beneath my mattress.

Yet, when I put pen to paper (which I've been doing instead of typing for all the world to see), I find happiness in words.

Paige and I have a thing going now. . .  when she acts up - - - talks smack, calls her brother a name, whines - - - I give her the "that is very unbecoming of a little girl. . . for your punishment, you must correctly spell the word pseudonym, define it and use it correctly in a sentence.  You have until Friday."  She did well on the first go 'round, I am now waiting for the word "malevolent" from her. 

She stumped me though.  We were at church and she looked down at a word in the song, oblation, and whispered, "What does that mean?"  I read it in the context of the song, and had no idea.  I shrugged.  "Looks like you have a word for Friday," she said.  "Looks like I do," I whispered back.

Oblation:  A solemn offering or presentation to God or a deity.  The oblations I make seem insufficient. . .

Why do I write?

I love words.

Thanks to my readers who have asked why I haven't written. . .  still don't know why, for certain, but will keep pushing. 

After a nap. . . ?