Another Day, Another Dollar, Another Day

There is a certain art to living, especially when there is the past and the future revolving around the center of simply being in your own little universe.

I see myself, at this moment, in the center of a ring, with bands circling.  In this center is my new job.  Having begun this job at the beginning of the month, I am still pulling in the newness of it all.  I walked into a company where I knew only one person, into a field of work where everyone knows everyone, and beginning tasks that are reminiscent of the past ten years for me.  In those ten years, I've accumulated skills that have filled a file folder with about fifty different pockets, and I've spent the last couple of weeks, dusting off those files and pulling them all into a skill set that will benefit me as I sidle into my new role as a responsible manager of many people and things.

It's been fun.

Added to this, is the pompousness of being a Fuzzy in a non-Fuzzy world; laying claim to a portion of people's psyches as I introduce myself and my character into their world.  It started two days after I began there.   The company asked for a brief bio of my work history.  So I wrote it with the flair of my own personality --- "I started my career as an acrobat for the circus, and was quickly recognized as someone who might be better suited as the woman who stands on the elephant in tiara and an evening gown and is paraded around the ring. . . etc., etc."  I ended up as a WWE champion before I decided to use my law degree and get into my current position.

I realize now that I was introducing more than a bio, I was introducing myself --- my humor, my humility and my pride.  Who are you?  I'm a Fuzzy.

Amidst the professional responsibilities and tasks that are coming at me, I am also meeting new people, and getting to know them.  I like to laugh and socialize.  I like to tell jokes, and be aware of the personal challenges of everyone I meet, especially those that I will see every day.  So I've spent a good portion of the past two weeks, listening to people, and sharing parts of my story.

So, in keeping with my center of the ring analogy, I am there, pulling on each circle that surrounds me.  One, new job expectations.  Using my brain to dislodge my experiences to bring them into the mix for solutions and agendas on getting tasks done quickly and with quality.  Not so hard - - just do more than what is expected.  Can nail the job portion.

Two, string number two, social introductions.  Getting to know more people, plugging new numbers into my phone, sharing lunch and conversation.

Three, balance at home.  (And this is why I haven't really written lately).  I am in a new atmosphere with work, yet still making lunches, still signing the kids up for basketball and committing my time as their coach, still wrapping up soccer seasons, still doing homework with them and signing a zillion papers and permission slips, still doing laundry, making dinner, cleaning the house; still taking the dogs to the vet or cleaning up the dead animal smell on their coats because they like to roll around; talking with the mechanic about Kitty's health and maintenance; anticipating the upcoming trip to Buffalo with the dogs, the kids and perhaps, the guinea pigs; considering Christmas presents -- willing myself to go on-line and start shopping (which I haven't done); putting out fires that flare up from the divorce; getting the kids to sit down for a picture for Christmas cards; writing Christmas cards; keeping up with my DVR'd shows; reading Facebook updates; weighing in on Paterno's moral obligations; writing. . .

Four, maintaining other relationships - - hanging with my cousins, going to book club, talking and texting on the phone, making lunch dates with old colleagues.

Finally Five.  The untanticipated, unexpected recognition of grief, that comes into my daily thoughts - - a vision of my Dad dancing, the sound of his laughter; Jeff's long arms around the shoulder of my brothers, the sound of his laughter; my Aunt's cabbage rolls, the sound of her laughter. . .  taking the wisdom I've gleaned from all these experiences and applying them to all the happenings of the center of the ring.

It's been fun.

There is a certain peace that comes from being so busy doing, that there is little time for dwelling.  Yes, I still get down and still feel the sadness from the voids; but I am also making friends, doing solid work, laughing with the kids, and being a Fuzzy.

Now, all I need is a companion to throw into the mix, and I'll be steady as the rest of the world.

It's been a couple weeks of this new reality formation.  I'm not burn out yet, and I certainly like the fact that I go into work in the mornings, and as I'm racing to get home to meet the kids at the bus stop, I am surprised that hours passed by like minutes.

It all goes so quickly, each hour, and I guess I am okay with it because I'm not wasting that time bitching or crying or dwelling, I'm just living.  That is my art, these days.