Insomnia

I’m dealing with the second day of no sleep. Last night I went to bed at 10pm, fell asleep quickly and then woke ten minutes later… wide awake. I took melatonin. Nothing. I took a Benadryl. Nothing. I drank a glass of almond milk which always worked before. Nothing. I tried counting Bruce concerts I’ve attended. I tried thinking about book characters and plot lines. One of these always worked. Nothing.

NOTHING. I was up until 5:45am, tossing and turning. And cursing. And nearly crying.

Second day – very similar. Went to bed at 10pm, slept until 12:35am and I’ve been awake since. It’s now 5am and the coffee is brewing.

It’s been a rough couple of months. I was laid off in June, moved in July, got a new job in July and finally sold my Maryland house last week.  The new job has slowed to a crawl. Telecom (my industry) has had massive lay offs and defunding so I may end up unemployed again soon. Oh, and my husband got laid off. He got a severance package, along with about 750 other people in his company, but still.

The unemployment, the stress of moving. 

Small stuff. 

My windshield got hit by a rock, cracked down the middle. 

Small stuff. 

The mower broke. The boat broke. The faucet shot massive amounts of water. All small stuff.

One of my closest friends died last week. It was unexpected. I’ve known him and adored him for 23 years or so… just saw him in June. We laughed a lot. 

Big stuff. 

Big, big stuff. 

I cried for days, and I’m still shaken by it. 

It's why I’m not sleeping.  Every time I try, I think about him and his son & daughter and their children – his grandchildren, whom he adored. I will dearly miss my good friend. Always.

It’s still dark out and I’m awake. The sun will rise shortly, and I will see it peek over the trees in front of me as I write. It will glisten off the water and light will bob in the lake waves. The insects will fly so low over the water, touching it so lightly that it looks like it is raining.

I moved from bustling Maryland to a sleepy town in Virginia – a small town, and our house is on a cozy lake. My office faces the water. An office that was built from scratch on one side of the basement. An office I absolutely adore. It has my books, my pictures, my plants, my decorations… all mine.  Sometimes I daydream about Reese Witherspoon interviewing me for my bestseller and I will bring her down here and show her around. There’s a lot to take in… inspiration from how-to write and edit books, best sellers, classic authors, poetry. I have it all. And it’s mine.

I lost a job. I lost a couple nights sleep. I lost a good friend and consequently, I lost another little piece of my heart to the ether.

I have my family. My work. My writing. My books and my health. I have a dog superior to all dogs. I have children and a husband I feel very much the same about.

Ah, insomnia. If I’d been sleeping, I wouldn’t have written this.  

Ah, gratitude. I needed it. I found it.

It brought me back to me.