Promise to Me, Promise to You

I spent the early morning hours reviewing a contract for work.  It wasn't because I was so excited to do it, that I did it.  It was because I knew that if I spent from 5:30AM - 7:30AM doing it, I would have extra time in the evening to spend with the kids.  I had imposed my own deadline on when the contract needed to be done, and the only way to meet that deadline was to sacrifice my early morning ritual of sipping coffee, listening to music, working out on the elliptical (once in a while, it does happen) and perhaps writing a bit.  I made a promise to myself and I kept it.

After finishing the contract review, I filled out the Wildacres Writing Workshop application and wrote a check for a week in the mountains in July.  All by myself.  Writing in the mountains.  A week away from the kids, my life, work and reality, with terrible cell coverage and excellent people.  I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't sacrifice the things I like to do for myself any more. 

I've been dating someone. It's been a whirlwind of laughter and fun.  At one point, I tried to bail.  Tried to walk away from it - - - fear, fear, fear - - - and after two days of complete introspection and fighting the demons from my past, I looked at myself in the mirror and made a promise that I would ride this out and see where it goes because I understood at that moment that the potential for pain was only a potential, but that the fear I was feeling was real.  A great love might cause a great fall - - - but avoiding a great love because of fear is a continuous fall, if that makes sense.

I kept my promise, and I remind myself to keep it every day - - - especially when the demons from my past creep, creep, creep forward.

Dare I say it?

Life is good right now.  I awake in the mornings and I am inspired to bring a glint of sunshine onto the dark waters that someone else may be swimming in.  I am inspired to work solidly in order to get things done right, and within the timeframe I set.  I am inspired to listen to more music, to write more sweetly, to talk more intimately and to be a light of some sort in this twisted world.

I've promised myself that I would do that:  Be inspired.  Be a light.  Be grateful for the good (or at the very least, not horrible) days.  Be helpful.  Be kind. Be generous.

These promises keep me busy.
These promises keep me sane.
These promises keep me happy. 

Happy like I haven't been in about 5 years.

Saturday is the anniversary of my divorce.

I promise that I won't think about it and feel the hurt again.

It's a promise I know I can keep.  The hurt isn't there any more.  There's still a ping of regret due to a divorce being part of my life, but the break was good, better for me and the kids; and I am actually grateful that he had the balls to walk away.  Truly grateful.  (Never thought I'd say that! - - - Which makes me even more grateful).

I will write more on this blog.
I promise I will.

But if you're looking for a sad post, well, I ain't gonna write it.