Baby Shark

I am a big fan of Ted Lasso - very positive, always happy, melodrama and relief.... 

I'm a big fan of my family too - David (aka LOML), Tony (aka OLOML) and Paige (ALOML).  Please use those acronyms interchangeably...

Husband Shark doo doo doo doo doo doo

Paigey Shark dooo doo doo doo doo doo

Tony Shark doo doo doo doo doo doo doo 

You get it. 

And you're welcome for the earworm... (sorry)

I talked to my brother Jim yesterday. We caught up, laughed a little, caught up some more, laughed a lot.

The last time I saw Jim he was surrounded by my other siblings - Corinne, John and Cliff.  And I spent the entire evening holding my cheeks - the ones on my face - because they (my siblings) made me laugh. To see their eyes open and water, the creases crease, the age show but the moments of our youth glow. To see the life we've lived reflected in the life we're trying to live with the life we once knew. That may not make sense and it probably shouldn't but it does.

Fazzolari.  It doesn't work with the Baby Shark beat. But does it not?

Fazzo - shark doo doo doo doo doo

lari shark doo dooo doo doo doo

Too many doos and not enough Fazzolari's in those sentences.

2024 was the first year we (meaning my siblings and me (minus me) didn't get together for Christmas Eve with a real plan. I guess all of it was an afterthought. "Oh yeah... I have family..."

I'm a pretty horrible person for assuming that it would go on without my input. It did. I'm horrible.

I don't even know how to write this post.

I miss my family. I miss Corinne singing Mariah Carey (kinda), I miss Cliff's laugh, I miss John throwing out the eye-rolling obvious comeback, I miss Jim's words that make us say "holy shit-did-he-just-say-that?" and I miss laughing at and with all of them. 

And...

Jeffrey Shark doo doo doo doo doo

Damn it.

My dad...

My Dad Shark doo doo doo doo doo

The earworm got me after eight years and fifteen billion views... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqZsoesa55w   or

Jamie Tartt Doo doo doo doo doo 

  

Butt Jokes

I’m existing on a little over three hours of sleep today. Was wide awake at 4am, chugging MiraLax polluted by Gatorade as the final act of a colonoscopy prep this morning. 

As I quipped yesterday, it was a pretty shitty way to start the new year. 

But it wasn’t only the physical discomfort that had me awake so early. I was panic-stricken and in the throes of an anxiety episode.

I spent a little over a year worrying and anxious over a pain in my left abdomen. It was scary enough that I lost quite a few pounds (turning fifty sucks (I never appreciated the body I used to have until it was gone)). 

I scheduled doctor's appointments - got some blood tests, a CAT scan on my organs, and nothing. Phew. But why the pain?

Was it scar tissue from my partial hysterectomy? Maybe.  Not likely. Was it related to the swollen lymph nodes in my armpit? Maybe. Not likely.  But what about my shoulder pain? But what about my runny nose? 

BUT WHAT IF IT’S MENOPAUSE?

The pain didn’t go away. 

But, but, butt. 

So an endoscopy and a colonoscopy was scheduled in September. Then they canceled due to a hospital emergency.  The next appointment I could get was January 2, 2025.

I honestly worried - due to a sometimes inconsolable anxiety - that I wouldn’t make it to 2024.

Anxiety sucks too. 

I went through with the colonoscopy this morning and when I woke, I was relieved. I lived through it. 

In a fog, I asked how it went. 

“Oh, it was fine. We’re testing a couple polyps and you may have diverticulitis but nothing out of the ordinary.”

“So, clean as a whistle?”

No reaction other than, “Now let me get the needle and IV out.”

“Okay. Hopefully, they’ll be easier to remove than they were to put in.”

“Yeah, it’s tough to get pricked so many times.”

“That’s what she said.”

The nurse didn’t laugh.  Didn’t even crack a smile. 

I did. Though I might’ve still been under the influence of the sleepy cocktail, I do like a good “that’s what she said” joke. 

Now, I’m sitting here:


Grateful.

Less too worry about. I may sleep easier without the anxiety. The pain is still there but it’s way better to isolate that pain from the worry. 

I only write this today because I know I’m not the only one who worries like I do. 
It will be okay. Even if it’s not, it will be. 

I learned that today. I also learned that I never did like Gatorade.